Treatment Suggestions for the Defectiveness and Shame Schema
1.Challenge the idea that you are defective by examining and listing the evidence for and against personal defectiveness.
2. List and remember your personal assets to reduce any significance you assign to perceived flaws.
3. Learn that what are flaws are usually behaviors learned in childhood and can be changed.
4. Recognize that thoughts of defectiveness are usually inappropriate self-perceptions that are formed by the critical language of significant others.
5. Identify memories of criticism by parents. Use EMDR to eliminate the negative emotions and self-perceptions created by this criticism.
6. Examine and nurture relationships that hold the potential to enhance your positive self-perceptions.
7. Choose relationships that are supportive rather than critical. Find and select partners who love and accept you.
8. Find a balance when dealing with criticism. Accept valid criticism and try to change accordingly. Dispose of false criticism by affirming to yourself internally that the criticism is false.
9. Set limits with critical people and do not tolerate maltreatment.
10. Self-disclose to people you trust. The more you share and are accepted, the more you will overcome this schema.
11. Decrease the overcompensating behaviors of trying to appear perfect, achieving excessively, demeaning others, or competing for status.